Control Freak In Rehab

Since we all are addicts in one way or another how do we get a grip? How do you actually learn to let go of somethings or even the idea of constant control when it really does not exist? There is a cure for all or panacea. You truly have to find what works for you through trial and error. The reality is you have to start somewhere and doing something if you actually want to start relaxing more. 

My Method

After many years of recognizing my controlling behavior and ideas I have tried various things from exercising to reading. Those did not work very well. Exercise is still important for stress management to say the least but it wasn't helping me to think less. Some years back I was introduced to the idea of meditation, aromatherapy and massage therapy. Of the three massage therapy is my favorite yet it is the most expensive. Bah humg!!! Aromatherapy is a good one but it sucks alone...it works well for relaxation and peace when it is combined with meditation or the massage therapy. 

As of the last four weeks, I have resume meditation. I am currently taking a free meditation class offered in my community that teaches Sahaja Meditation. It is one of the most simple techniques around and it is free of religiosity. There are no biases towards those that chose to focus on a deity or not. As for me, I focus on God Almighty when applicable.  Sometimes I focus on nothing just let the mind go blank. Other times I may focus on different areas of my body especially if I haven't been feeling well. Gotta balance my energies!

Reasons to Meditation

Relaxation is the most common reason people meditate. It always us to become calm and experience a sense of peace. It should be noted this is not going to happen over night. It is going to take diligence and much practice for your meditation to get to a place of great relaxation unless you are an absolute natural at this sort of thing which I am not! If you are kudos and I wish we could switch places. 

Understanding and confirmation is another reason some folks meditation including myself. We have all experienced things in our lives where we just do not know what to do or where to go next. Sometimes the answer is already inside of you but you are too busy being rationale and/emotional you cannot get to the resolution for real. Taking the time to sit, breathe and relax can open those windows for you. Face it the answer is more than likely right there....so sit down already!

Peace....ah yes inner peace. It is a wonderful sensation and there is nothing else like it. Inner peace is another reason many people meditate they are looking to have tranquility because they have hectic lives, stressful home situations, etc. Regardless the reason if you want inner peace...meditation is a potential vehicle for you to get to your Island of Tranquility. 

Meditation Takes Work

Like any skill...meditation takes work. You have to be persistent. To hold myself accountable for practicing I decided to get into a class. This way I have to get up on Saturday mornings to show up and not make excuses for lack of practice. Doing it just 5 minutes each day can be a killer when you have a playful cat around like mine. Its like she knows I am going to meditate so she is all over me instantly. Smh. The reality is I want to be a more peaceful Tam. I want to be more relaxed. I want to be able to accept the trials, tribulations, blessings and opportunities that come with life. In order for this to happy meditation is my way. What's your way????

 

Have you ever sat and watched Celebrity Rehab w/ Dr Drew, Intervention, Hoarders, or even that newer show about the folks with strange addictions? All these shows are about mental health and behavioral health issues that have gone wild right? You probably have frowned infinitely many times at each episode and sometimes even laughed, cried, or just reacted in complete disgust. What's my point? We are no different than those folks. You and I are born with the same genetic, psychological, mental material and ability to become addicted to something. Let's keep it as real as possible. There are just some addictions that are more acceptable than others. There are folks that are addicted to working out, drinking, tanning, smoking, learning, collecting things, religiosity, etc. etc.

In case you are wondering what my addiction is I have to be honest in saying... Control. Yes, I am addicted to being in control of my life, it's outcomes, where I am going, how am I getting there, who I will marry and my next move. I have gotten to the point I prefer to drive a long distance before I subject myself to the uncertainty of a plane ride. No, I am not afraid of flying. I fear the questionable air quality more than the flight itself. I actually hate not knowing WHEN we are leaving. I hate not knowing for certain the gate will be clear when he plane arrives at my destination. I despise not knowing how many folks will be on the flight. There are so many other things I could mention but I will spare you. I love being in control to the point where uncertainty and lack of clarity makes me anxious. In previous jobs I have taken on more work than what was required of me because I did not what anyone to mess up my client files/medical charts. What if my chart got audited? What if Medicaid shows up? What if a physician calls asking questions? What if? What if? What if? I admit sometimes I did the secretary's duties if it involved one of my client's because I didn't want to have to go back and fix it. No faith in people fueled by perfectionism which exacerbates the need to control.

Hey who doesn't like being in control? But to be obsessed with controlling your life's outcomes is unrealistic and can cause a sense of perfectionism that can be deadly. It can even cause you to actually lose control rather than gain more control. An example of those lose of control is depression and anxiety. I am not saying you will get to the point where you need medication (some of you will) but it will still cause challenges and potential health problems like acid reflux, migraines, hypertension and ulcers to name a few.  Don't believe me look up how emotions impact health in your free time. There is no such thing as having complete and total control so to obsess about it is pointless and self defeating. There will always be variables you cannot see or you cannot grasp. Instead of obsessing about what you cannot control manage what you CAN realistically control such as who you spend your leisure time with,  the time you wake up, what you read, how you spend your money, how you connect with your deity, what you eat, when you sleep, the type of education you receive, who you will marry, etc. Better yet thing of this concept as managing not controlling....control has such a negative connotation. Yea...manage has a positive ring to it.

Because I need to follow my own advice/recommendation, I am taking this time in 2012 to take control over my spirituality, career and the company I keep. This includes more meditation, more reading and especially less male distractions that are unfruitful. Those are three things I KNOW I can control and I will. No longer do I need to obsess about the future. I am living in the now and if I ...or we cannot get control over our addictions and manage the things of the NOW we won't make it to the future anyways.

Sidenote: If you have a serious addiction or dangerous habit please seek professional help NOW and ASAP or call 877-579-0078.

Yours Truly,
TamSherese aka Dr Tam